11:31 PM me: we're reminicing about stinky mcfartass
11:32 PM Jane: awww, i miss him
me: all cats go to heaven
Jane: remember when you told me about my cat seal being put down right
before i was about to bat during softball?
11:33 PM that sucked
me: aww my bad
i hope you learn to forgive me
Jane: um, im ok
11:34 PM me: ok thank you so much
11:35 PM Jane: no no. thank you
11:36 PM i needed to be told and you picked the absolute right moment to tell me my beloved pet had been murdered but replaced by a younger, possibly slightly
cuter and less diseased kitten
:-)
really, im ok

...to me at least.



well maybe other reasons too.

"if i happen to be walking backstage and i see any of you young men passed out drunk on a stretcher, make no mistake about it, you will come-to in front of your disappointed parents with a face full of Sharpie and the sneaking suspicion that you've been teabagged by one of Time Magazine's 100 most influential people of 2007." - john mayer to underage drinkers at his concert

Giggle giggle...this was inspired by a conversation we had at work during lunch today. Oh yes.

NSFW?

dirty hedgehogs

My inbox fills up way too fast with funny texts...

"damn it! what was i going to spend my paycheck on? i have to stop doing so many drugs so i can remem.... oh yeah!! i wanted to buy drugs!!"

"there is actually cowbell in the bump song. there should be more."

"abs boy has called me 4 times since he got my number. effin right. he is hot. likes camping. likes djs. gonna be fun."

"ass like a competition champ. lets get into some real bad things."

"isn't baltimore known for some kind of toe?"

"you can't drink all day unless you start early!"

"fell down the skate ramp. laid there for a minute. hilarious. be back in a min."

"rabbits are totally appropriate sister talk."

"live every week like it's shark week!!!"

"SEVEN!!"

"guess whos getting a fear the deer shirt to attract single guys?"

"she and the other elephant parents were used as slaves by rhinos or something ridiculous."

"who still has their kids keeping rat tails? who decided that was alright?"

"i think Bailey (dog) is coming on to me. she won't stop winking"

"i just sent you a text telling you i like XXXX. and then i realized i sent it to XXXX. i'm an idiot."

"spank rock makes you drive faster. loves it!"

"lets get some x. go balls deep. not really though. but we can pretend."

"you do realize that with 1 fake tooth you are a step closer to being a real life pirate. now you need a parrot or a boat or a peg leg."

"i think i want a tattoo of david cross. also known as dr tobias funke."

"mom says i'm a mixer and jane says i'm a yellow."

"there are bike messengers in front of me in line at the post office. the dreads are out in full force!"

Yeah, this is mad late.  If you've seen me in the last few weeks you most likely have a copy.  If not, you didn't ask or I didn't remember.

Thanks to Amanda for doing the cover! 



1    Outkast – International Hustlers Anthem ft. UGK
2    TI – Big Shit Poppin'
3    T-Rock – Fantasy ft. E-Dubb
4    DMX – Party Up
5    Clipse – Number One Supplier ft. SL Jones
6    Jadakiss – Do You Feel Me ft. Akon & Rosco
7    Lagix – One Way Up
8    Lil' Wayne –Sky's the Limit
9    Paul Wall – Everybody Know Me ft. Snoop Dogg
10    Timbaland – Laff at 'em (Give it to Me Remix) ft. Jay-Z & Justin Timberlake
11    Notorious BIG – Runnin' Your Mouth ft. Fabolous, Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg, Busta Rhymes, & Foxy Brown
12    50 Cent – Straight to the Bank Remix ft. Hot Rod
13    Tabi Bonney – The Pocket
14    Baby Bash – Cyclone ft. T Pain
15    Bone Thugs-N-Harmony – Streets ft. Game & Will.I.Am
16    DJ Quik – Can You Work Wit That Remix ft. AMG, Bias, & Jay Rock
17    Trick Daddy – My Dogs Birthday ft. Dunk Ryders
18    Red 1 – No Fuss No Fight ft. Barrington Levy
19    Stik Gilatine – Yoda
20    David Banner – 9mm ft. Snoop Dogg, Akon, & Lil' Wayne
21    Red Café – Murderer
22    Ludacris – Ultimate Satisfaction ft. Field Mobb
23    Eve – Tambourine ft. Swizz Beatz
24    Game – Gangsta Shit

Download the .rar here.

Download the .zip here.

Enjoy.

from my phone's inbox:

"i think i hate the retarted parents of small children more than i hate the children themselves. i'm so hungover and i have to work about 13 hours today."

"chuck norris challenged lance armstrong to a 'who has more testicles?' competition. chuck won by 5."

"i gave my number to a guy in manpris and a pink shirt. was that wrong? he was pretty hot."

"chuck norris has banned rainbows from north dakota."

"i had a one night stand with my best friend's baby sister. to this day he still won't talk to me. wow country songs suck. did you say you go girl? is that legal?"

"whatever happened to andrew keegan? yeah. i haven't heard about him since 10 things i hate about you. i'll look him up on imdb later and get back to you."

"fear the deer children. fear the deer. state college spikes that is."

"i'm trying this new thing called 'jogging'. it might be 'yogging'. i'm not sure if the j is silent."

"theres a dudebrah with a gigantic BROTHERHOOD tattoo."

"if i walk all the way to the liquor store from rec hall after 40 min of cardio for a box of red wine does that make up for the fact that im going to drink it myself and finish it in about 3 days?"

"i would honestly smoke crack right now if i had it. not really but i wish i had some bud."

"is it better to be born a crip or to become a crip later in life by accident?"

"sex with a strobe light or sex with a strobe light on? its kind of an important difference."

"yagshemesh! my seester is number 4 prostitute in all of khazkstan."

"mel allen or tim gibson?"

"its hard to yell when the barr ell s in yo mouff. bring em out."

"beth! bear mace that guy! and that guy! brah. ice is whack."

"fact. bears eat beets. bears. beets. battlestar gallactica."

keep em coming.